What It's Like #1: FRIENDS

To answer the e-mailed questions from many friends, I'm going to attempt to give insight, real insight, into life overseas through a series of e-mails called "What It's Like". I'll try to stick to one topic per post, so this first one will be the thing that's been on my mind lately: FRIENDS.

Concerning old friends:
* It's impossible to fully describe what life overseas is really like. So they can't really imagine your day-to-day life. They can try, and things like e-mails, phone calls, and blog stories help. But they still don't really know what your apartment looks like, what your daily world looks like. On the flip side, you can pretty much fully imagine their life. You know what it's like to go to a grocery store, eat at a restaurant, go to Sunday morning church, etc. You know what their kids schools look like, what an American hospital looks like, and all the rest.

* Conversely, while you can imagine their daily lives, you don't really hear about them. You hear the big stuff ("mom just had heart surgery"), but not the little stuff ("Betsy is starting to walk now"). So they hear about your daily funny stories (this is especially true when you keep a blog), but you don't often hear theirs. You could imagine their lives, but you don't hear about them like you used to. So while you kind of feel "in the loop", you feel "out of it" also.

Concerning new friends:
* You miss the ease of friendship. With friends who know your life story, get your jokes, and know deep and personal things about you. What you get instead is friends who you can kind of communicate with, on very shallow subjects. As language skills grow, there are more things you can talk about. But when you spend an entire language session covering the parts of the body or time & direction words, you can't really incorporate those into a meaningful conversation. :) Language learning is necessary and good, but in the beginning stages, it sometimes doesn't assist you in real relationship-building (although it is useful for giving directions to a taxi driver!)

* You sometimes aren't certain what their motivation for friendship is. Are they just wanting to practice English? Are they wanting their child to have the status of an American friend? Do they have hidden motivations? Even with less-than-just-being-friendly intentions, it can still make for a good friendship. But you still sometimes wonder.

* They can be great when you are willing to laugh at yourself, and at least try (even if you make mistakes) in language, pronunciation, or cultural situations. It is really interesting to talk about the differences in cultural norms, humor, shared wisdom/information, and dreams. It gives opportunities to share about more meaningful things because there are so many differences, but also so many similarities (priorities in life, desires, etc.).

Flat out, you miss your old friends like crazy. But it wouldn't be the same way it was, even if you were to interact with them daily. And you long to make new friendships, but sometimes that's slow coming. So there are differences in friendships and the speed and ease with which they are made in the States and overseas. Though my time is limited and spread out over various areas, like being a child of the King, wife, mom, language student, family chef, food-source-for-Maranatha, and other assorted duties, it is nonetheless an important and forefront goal to make genuine, lasting, and meaningful friendships here so we can share the Most Meaningful Things in life. Hope this gives you some insight into the changes that come in friendship via life overseas.